A Mustard Seed, Rebirth, and Mountains: My First Tattoo

Tonight someone poked an inked needle into my skin thousands of times so that I can have a permanent, visual testament of my faith on my arm. I know that a fair amount of people will think that getting my first tattoo on my inner forearm is a mistake but I want people to see it. I'm proud of the art on my body. I have been toying with this idea for a long time, this is not one of my trademark, Impulsive Sierra moments.

Here it is. Tattoos are an opportunity to express beliefs and values and that's what this does for me.

The recycle sign signifies the old becoming new. Something new and different created from something old and the constant cycle of rebirth. A recycle symbol has three parts as does the Trinity. I am made new in Jesus.

In Matthew 17:20, Jesus tells the disciples that with faith as small as a mustard seed that they can move mountains. I can't physically measure my faith but I know that some days it feels as small as a mustard seed. Now I am moving a mountain every day with every move I make.

The words around the recycle symbol come from The General Thanksgiving from Evening Prayer in the Book of Common Prayer.

We bless you for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life; but above all for your immeasurable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ; for the means of grace and for the hope of glory. (BCP pg 125, bolded by me)

There is grace and glory in my life. All good things come from God. All good things please God. It all comes back around. That's my theology. That's my tattoo. I can't wait to see what conversations it sparks.

Tin Foil Fingers

The past week gave me more inspiration for the next few months than last semester gave me for my entire life. I had the privilege to work as a counselor for the 2013 Cristo Rey Health Professions Summit at the university Sunday through Wednesday afternoon. When I was hired in early May I never thought that working with high schoolers that want to be doctors and nurses would be very fun yet alone interest and excite me as much as it did. My group of students was dedicated, intrigued, and intentional from the beginning. The opportunity was a blessing that could better help them navigate their passions and questions about college. For me it was a combination of a slap in the face while my ambition was found again and saved.

I saw my kids deliver a (fake) baby, clean tracheostomy tubes of gunk, put in an IV into a mannequin arm with flowing blood, move beads around with laparoscopic surgery equipment, compete in wheelchair relay races, and so much more. They asked questions, encouraged one another, observed, listened, and laughed together. They took in the beauty of the campus and marveled at all it takes to be accepted to the professional schools we toured. They explored professions in the health field they didn't know existed until then. It was my honor to do it all with them. I was even inspired to look into Wilderness EMT training, something of a cross between my love of the outdoors and my fascination with all we learned.

For our fun activity Tuesday night we went to Summer Welcome Revue. The moment the show started I remembered attending Summer Welcome before my freshman year and how enthralled I was. At the time I wanted nothing more than to be a Summer Welcome leader. After a couple months of classes and college life I lost track of that goal. My class attendance dropped and my grades and determination with it which lessened my chances of being a SW leader. By the time last summer rolled around I had completely forgotten my goal. But somewhere between the dances, the laughs, and pure love and pride for Mizzou that goal was rekindled. I am fully aware that I have much work to do in order to fulfill my goal, including but not limited to actually being an University of Missouri student.

Towards the end of our time together one of my students asked if I have difficulty removing glitter nail polish like the kind my nails were sporting. I told her I usually just let it come off on its own or chip it off. She then told me that the best way to remove glitter nail polish is to put an acetone soaked cotton ball on the nail, wrap it in tin foil for ten minutes then when unwrapped its all off. When I got home I did just that. It looked ridiculous. I know that there's an analogy in there somewhere about looking silly or pushing on to reach your goals, but I'll let you piece it together.

Jumping back to solid, concrete stuff that makes a bit more sense, I know what my goals are. I'm figuring out and finalizing the steps I need to take to meet them. I know my limitations, weaknesses, and hangups. But I also know my strengths. Of course I'm scared that I'll fall into my old routine but I have a team to hold me accountable and encourage me. I know who is on my team and the resources I have and how people can help me.

I'm open to suggestions and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. That's how I finally got that glitter nail polish off.

Let's Tango

I always thought life was going to be easy for me. I'm not sure where I got this notion, but somewhere between my terrifying days in middle school, adventures in high school, and my first year in college, I realized that I could usually manipulate a situation for my benefit. So I did that... a lot. I used my bubbly personality and big smile to fend off due dates, meetings, and concerned parents. I danced around questions when asked what I was actually doing or working on. I didn't realize how much I actually lied about my life until recently when my work ethic caught up with me and I failed out of college.

I know what you're thinking, "Sierra! You're so smart! How could this happen??" I know. I'm still asking myself the same thing. What isn't clicking with me and school? Why don't I stick to my color-coded calendar and actually do the work my family pays thousands of dollars for? Why couldn't I admit to anyone that I was so unhappy and completely lack direction? What the hell am I doing with my life?

That is exactly what I'm trying to figure out. I have no idea how to move forward -- I have no idea what I want to do or how to do it-- but I do know that I don't want to move backwards. I want to keep things simple and growing (dum-dun-chhhhh). For now that means living in Columbia, working my butt off, and trying to find a real passion for something. I enjoy doing a lot of things, but I want to find something that not only sparks and keeps my interest, but something that uses me as a vessel and cultivates God's kingdom on Earth. I have an overwhelming amount of possibilities at my disposal.

I'm also blessed to have family and friends that still love and support me even though they might not agree with my decision not to return to Mizzou next semester. I really do appreciate all the encouragement I've received, more than words can say. I'd like to use this blog as a way to express that gratitude and do something tangible with my efforts. A lot of people seemed to like my writing in the past as well and I haven't really written in ages so I think it's time for me to have healthy outlet for all the words bouncing around my brain. I'm not promising to write on a schedule or even always explain things fully, but I do guarantee that you can keep up with my whirls in adulthood here. Let's boogie, y'all.